An open letter to the shoe manufacturers

Thank you for making such hideous, impractical styles over the past 5 years! First it was mules, or “slides” as you like to call them now. Then it was the pointy-toe, dominatrix look. I can’t wear either style: they fall off my narrow foot and offer no support, or pinch my toes. I now have arthritis in my feet, among other places. You must be making podiatrists very happy! As for myself, I can’t thank you enough. I’ve saved lots of money repairing my old shoes and skipping the stilettos and skimpy strips of leather attached to soles you’ve been charging $140 for—what basically amounts to half a shoe.
Sincerely, K.P.